How to Help a Child Deal With Loss

  1. As soon as possible after the death, set time aside to talk to the child.
  2. Give the child the facts in a simple manner “be careful not to go into too much detail. The child will ask more questions as they come up in their mind.
  3. If you can’t answer his/her questions, it’s OK to say, “I don’t know how to answer that, but perhaps we can find someone to help us”.
  4. Use the correct language – say the words “dead” and “die”. Do not use phrases such as, “He’s sleeping…” or “God took her…” or “He went away…”
  5. Ask questions like, “What are you feeling?” “What have you heard from your friends?” “What do you think has happened?” etc.
  6. Explain your feelings to your children, especially if you are crying. Give them permission to cry too. We are their role models: it is good for children to see our sadness and to share our feelings with them.
  7. Use the given name of the deceased when speaking of him or her.
  8. Understand the age and level of comprehension of your child speak to that level.
  9. Talk about feelings, such as angry, sad feeling responsible, scared, tearful, depressed, wishing to die too, etc.
  10. Read a book on death to your child. (Please see your local lending resource library)
  11. Read a book on childhood grief so you have a better understanding of what they may be experiencing.
  12. Talk about the visitation period and funeral. Explain what happens there and find out if your child wants to attend with the rest of your family.
  13. Think about ways that a child can say goodbye to the deceased, such as writing a letter, poem, drawing a picture, etc.
  14. Talk to your child about your religious beliefs, if appropriate, and what happens to people after they die.
  15. Invite your child to come back to you if they have more questions or have heard rumours so that you can help them receive the correct information.
  16. Talk about memories, good ones and ones that may not be so good.
  17. Watch for behaviour changes in your child – if they are cause for concern, seek professional help.
  18. Watch out for “bad dreams” – are they occurring often? Talk about the dreams: they are a way to discharge stress.
  19. Friends, family and school mates frequently find solace and comfort in doing something special in the name of the person who has died.
  20. Sudden death, violent death and the death of a young person are especially hard to grieve. Disruption of sleep, appetite, and daily activities may be normal responses to an abnormal or unusual event.